long time no blog le....
didn't much to blog recently...
my life is still as crap as ever....
wake up -> school -> home -> TV -> slp
usual routine for quite a long time alrdy...
and i am getting bored of it....


ever since school started...
i haven't been doing anything useful..
not to the extent where my limits takes me..
not to the usefullness which i think helps me in my future..
summary : i have not been living life the way I wan it to be..


slowly and slowly...
i feel that i am getting more and more lonely..
If someone will ask me this qns :
"How many good frens do you have", in the past??
my answer would definitely a whole chunk...
from frens with same ambition and fighting hard together...
to frens with same interests and playing hard together...
to frens with same minds and chatting heartily together...
too much....


but what do you think my answer will be right now..
at this very moment???
Simple... I can't really think of any... to fit the word, "Good"
NOT because i am introvert or something...


it is because .. juz a feeling from within me...
a feeling that the "good" friendship i once had with frens...
that i once think is strong... tough.. and up to the challenge...
is not there anymore....
and the catalyst? == Time.


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at this point of time...
i am really having mixed feelings inside me...
What is the real definition of being good frens...
have i been in a world of deception all the time..?
How come friendship can be soured due to selfish matters???
i don't understand..


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Still remembering vividly ... my very last post
juz before i left the world of blogging...
its about me.. searching for the real me..


seriously, i hate to become an actor in life..
whom have to act out in whatever things i do...
fulfill whatever expectations that is given to me..
do what others think is right....


==========


seriously... i hate myself....
i hate the semi-introvert semi-extrovert personality that i have
ever since primary school...

sometimes.. i will be feeling so high..
going ard talking to people...
knowing new friends...
i'll go talk to strangers, sometimes lol..
jioing out frens..
for movies..
for shopping..
for kboxing.. (been yrs since i last sing, ever since i quit Ocean Butterfly's vocal)
for chatting in cafes...
and stuffs like that...
what people will usually name it as.. Socialising..

sometimes.. i am so emo(a word i learnt in smit..)
i will be prefering myself alone...
deep in thoughts...
not wanting to talk to anyone...
trying to avoid alot of people...
happy juz to spend time alone.. myself...
shopping, watching cinema, gaming, blablabla..
all by myself...
not that i do not have friends to accompany..
but sometimes i juz love the peace,
the atmosphere of being alone
its like personal time to myself..

and to admit honestly...
i've been being a totally different me..
school... extro?
@ home... super intro....
why do i say that??
hmms.. i juz dun know what to do @ home
dun have the feelling of chatting with frens... in MSN
(what i always do last time..)
imagine.. seeing my contact list...
11pm le.. still have 141 contacts online...
its like WOW rite? so much..
but guess what
i am not chatting with anyone of them...
=.= abit ddiuuu feeling?? hahass
NOT introvert.. but is juz dun feel like .. haiss